"Overcoming Addiction & Helping Others Do The Same" w/ Bret Lawrence

In this episode of the 'From Wrong to Strong Podcast,' host Omar Calvillo sits down with Bret Lawrence, a man who has faced the darkest shadows of addiction and emerged into the light of redemption. Brett shares his harrowing story of drug addiction, multiple incarcerations, and near-death experiences. He recounts his upbringing in a turbulent household, his descent into drug dependency, and the trials he faced in prison. More importantly, Brett reveals how a moment of divine intervention and a newfound faith in Jesus Christ enabled him to turn his life around. Now a recovery coach, Brett uses his past experiences to inspire and guide others on their journey to sobriety and faith. This episode is a testament to the transformative power of hope, faith, and perseverance.

Transcript

Bret: 0:00

I went on that six week bender and my liver shut down on me. And when that happened, my heart stopped and I went into cardiac arrest. And, I was at my buddy's house, man, he didn't know what to do, man. He started to do CPR on me, but he didn't know he needed to turn me over on my side.'cause I was, I was aspirated, and while he was doing CPR and blowing into my mouth, he was pushing that vomit back down into, and I went without oxygen. Nobody knows how long I went without, but it was long enough to where I, I use a walker now. I can use a cane on good days. But I don't walk normal, man. Like I was in a bed for six months, bro. For six months I had to have these beautiful nurses wipe my butt for me. You wanna talk about humbling, you know what I'm saying? That's a humbling experience, bro. When you can't wipe your own butt and you gotta have people do it for you. As soon as I was able to walk after six months, bro, I went right back to the Dope House man. I showed up at the dope house with my walker and started getting high again, bro. I mean, dude, it was so bad, bro. I would be sitting out in front of the trap house, i, I would be smoking crack and I would be shaking so bad that I couldn't even get out of the car and walk in by myself with my walker. They literally had to carry me in the crack house. Four guys. They would get under each arm and under each leg, and they would carry me into the crack house. They would put the crack pipe in my mouth, load the crack pipe for me, and I, and they would light it for me while I smoked it, bro. You know what I'm saying? Because I couldn't do it on my own, man. You know? I mean, that's, that's what it was like for me, bro,

1:48

From the city of Chicago, a city most recently known for its crime and violence. On this podcast, we will be sharing stories of redemption from individuals raised in the tough streets of Chicago and from around the country. Some of them were gang members, drug dealers, incarcerated victims, and perpetrators of violence. Listen to my guests as they share their experiences, struggles, trauma, but also the strength, hope, faith and perseverance, these have developed in them to keep pushing and moving forward in life. Tune in to hear how their lives have gone from darkness to light and from wrong to strong. Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of From Wrong to Strong Podcast. Uh, thank you for joining us. Uh, today. I got my guest. His name is Brett Lawrence. Uh, I just met this brother recently. Uh, shout out to Mike, uh, Petrovic. Mike was on this podcast, man some months ago, um, that I'm gonna put a link to his interview. Definitely gotta check it out. I believe I, I titled it the, the Ripple Effect. Uh, so shout, uh, shout out to Mike, uh, for, connecting me with his brother. Uh, so I'd like to welcome Brett Lawrence to the podcast.

Bret: 3:01

Thank you man. Good to be here, brother. I appreciate you having me on.

Omar: 3:04

Oh, no, for, for, for for sure, man. Uh, you know, I was talking to Mike, uh, he sent me, I believe it started through a text like, Hey man, I got this brother. You definitely, I guess, you know, you shared your story with him. I don't know exactly how, how that went with, with, uh, you two guys, but like, man, you, you got, uh, definitely talk to his brother. He got awesome testimony. So, you know, we reached out, uh, we connected, I don't know if it was text or um, uh, Facebook. Yeah. Uh, but, but here you are, brother. So I'm, I'm glad that you're here. Yeah. And, and I'm interested to, to hear your stories. This is actually, uh, the first conversation that we're having. So I, I'm gonna be learning his story, just, uh, right along with the, with the viewers, you know, so I'm, I'm, I'm excited to get into your story, brother.

Bret: 3:42

Alright. Thank you man. I appreciate it, man. Thanks. Thank you again for having me on, man.

Omar: 3:46

Yeah, for sure. I, brother, you know, can you tell us, uh, um, what, what part of the country did you grow up in? Uh, if you could describe that area, you know, in your early years and then, uh, tell us how, how was life for you, you know, when, when, when you were young?

Bret: 3:59

Yeah, so. Um, you know, I've, I've seen, I've seen some of your, uh, podcasts, man, and, um, you know, I, my diff my story's just a little bit different, man. Um, as far as like the early years go, uh, I didn't grow up, uh, in Chicago or, um, in, you know, in a gang festing neighborhood or, you know what I mean? Like, I grew up about, uh, probably about like 30 miles from Gary in between Gary and Michigan City. And, um, a little, little bitty town man. A little, little country town man. Um, tiny neighborhood. There was probably about a hundred, probably about two, 300 people in this neighborhood of mine. But it was out in the middle of nowhere, man. It was just this neighborhood out there, man. And, um, you know, I grew up with kids. I grew up, so first of all, man, I grew up with, I grew up with my mom and dad up until I was like about five years old. My dad was a raging alcoholic. He was violent and I. Um, he'd beat my mom up and stuff and you know, he would take it out on my older sister. I got an older sister, she's seven years older than me. Um, he would, he would like, he would physically abuse her, but he would emotionally and mentally abuse her. But he would physically beat my mom. And I was really small, you know what I'm saying? Because I'm seven years younger than my sister. So by the time he left, I think I was like five years old. But, so he never really, I don't, he never really like beat me up, but I remember, you know what I'm saying? Being scared to death of him, man. And um, you know, I just remember one of the earliest memories I have of God is, is, you know, I don't know how old I was, four or five or something, man. And I don't even know how I knew about God.'cause we didn't go to church, man. God wasn't talked about in the house. We didn't go to church. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know if I heard about it from like the neighborhood kids. But, you know, I don't know, man. I've read, I've read some things over the years, man, that you know, that God, you know, like God is in us, man from the start man. And um, you know, we all have this idea of God, man, we've all got this like God size hole in our hearts, man, that that can only be filled by him. So I remember sitting on my, the edge of my bed as a young kid, man, begging God man to, um, to help us man. Um, you know, like save us from my dad. And I remember saying to God at, at that age, God, I don't care what I have to go through, I just wanna be with you. I remember saying that to him at a young age like that man, that. I like, I knew I was gonna die one day and I don't know how I knew about death and all of these things, man. But it was in me, man. I remember. And I just begged him, God, I don't care what I have to go through, I just wanna be with you, man. And um, so, you know, my dad left. He ended up getting divorced and my mom was a single mom man. So that led me to, um, you know, running around out in the neighborhood, you know, all hours and days of the night. I had no supervision. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, how I wanted. Um, my mom, you know, was living her life. And when I was young, I didn't understand it, but I do today, now that I'm older, you know what I'm saying? Like, she was living her life, man. She had things that she wanted to do and she had two young kids and she did the best that she could with us, man. But she left. She left me alone a lot. Like my sister, like I said, was seven years older than me. So by the time I got up to be about 8, 9, 10, 11 years old, my sister's already 16, 17, 18 years old. She's out doing her thing, man. So I'm at home alone a lot, you know what I'm saying? And I got my friends over, man, and we're just doing whatever we want, man. And um, so I, I didn't learn any discipline when I was growing up, man. Um, you know, like I said, I did what I wanted, man. And, um, you know, after my dad left, man, it, it, I, I was full of fear after that, man. I remember when my dad walked me to first grade, man, it was like one of the last times I saw him, he walked me into first grade and he was holding my hand. And I remember walking down the hallway with him and walking into this class and thinking like, I felt like superman. You know what I'm saying? I had my dad with me. I felt like nobody could touch me, man. So, like when he left, man, I ain't, it really destroyed me, man. Um. You know, because he was, he was, even though he was violent and like, he, I, he was my dad, you know what I mean? I loved him. I wanted that, I wanted that relationship with him. I needed it. And, um, so when he left, man, it just instilled me with a lot of fear, man. I, I got a really bad anxiety when I was young. Started biting my nails, started acting out, um, in anger at kids towards school and getting into a lot of fights. Uh, I didn't know how to like release that. I didn't know how to release this in a, in a healthy way, you know, my anger and, and my confusion on why, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, I know today why he left. But back then I didn't, I didn't know, you

Omar: 8:47

know. Brother, could I ask you, like, during this time that your dad left, uh, did any other like male figures come into your life? Did you have, uh, I guess, you know, dad's not around no more. Did you have any uncles, anybody that maybe try to pour into you or, you know, give you some sort of a. Like, uh, what do you call it? Like, um, somebody to look up to, you know, mentor, anything like that during those years or? Yeah,

Bret: 9:08

so that's a good question, man. Uh, my sister had a boyfriend, um, while she was junior, senior in high school, and he was a few old, few years older in her, like, in his early twenties. And he was really good with me, man. He used to take me to my baseball games. He had a, you know, he had a crotch rocket man, a ZX 10 when they first came out. And he used to take, like, he was my big brother, man. And, um, it, it's a great question, man, because, you know, my dad left right, well after they broke up and he left, you know what I'm saying? Like, I took that hard, right? Because, you know, I, I had, I had like latched onto him for a, for that, for that male, that older male, positive male role model that I was looking for in my life. I latched onto him. And when he was gone, it hurt me, I think more than it hurt her. Okay. Um, and then my mom, you know what I'm saying? Like she had a boyfriend. Um, and, and I hated him at first, you know what I'm saying? Because I was like, you ain't my dad. You can't tell me what to do. You know what I'm saying? But then he was around for a few years and I started to latch onto him. Right. And my mom broke up with him, and he was gone, and she got a new guy come in, right? Well, in between him, she had several guys coming in and out. Right. And I ne I never even gave them a chance, you know what I'm saying? But that one, I was, I was starting to, I was starting to latch onto him, and then he was gone. You know what I'm saying? So fast forward, you know what I'm saying? My mom gets married, you know, to this guy, man. And by that time, man, I didn't trust, I didn't trust any, I didn't trust him. I, I thought he was gonna leave too. Right? So I never even gave him a chance at all. And he ended up being my stepdad for the next 30 years. And it was, it was a, it was a tumultuous time between him and I because I was never, never able to like let him in. You know what I'm saying?

Omar: 10:56

It, it, but, but it makes sense though, man.'cause you know, you latched on, let's say to your dad and then to this other guy that you thought was gonna be be around, and then you're like, man, forget that. I ain't gonna put my, my trust or not, not, not even that, like my love. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I, I, I believe that that happens. Like, you know, like we, we harden ourselves so that we won't get hurt, but at the same time, we won't allow someone to come in who maybe genuinely wants to connect with us, but by then we're already in a sense, like damaged goods, you could say. Right?

Bret: 11:24

Yeah, no doubt, man. Um, because like I said, man, he was my stepdad for the next 30 years and he was the one that stuck around man. And we could never have a relationship, man, because my heart was so hardened. And then, you know, as life went on, bro. Um, so I wanna say one thing though, that my boyfriend, before he left, man, he, what he did do was he connected me with the church, uh, as I got older. And he, he led, he led me to the pastor. Uh, that, you know what I'm saying? Like, he led me to Christ Man.

Omar: 11:57

Hmm.

Bret: 11:57

And like, I got saved when I was like 12 years old. Um, and so, so that was the, that was the one good thing, man, that that guy he, that he did for me, man. Wow. Yeah,

Omar: 12:09

man. So let me ask you about that. At 12 years old, like, like, uh, how long were you going to church? And I know you said God saved. What was that experience like for you back then?

Bret: 12:18

So, yeah, I was, uh, so like I said, man, I've always believed in God, man. I've always known that there was a God. And, um, you know, but I wasn't, I wasn't living a godly lifestyle at all, man. Um, I, how that happened was, you know what I'm saying? Like, I, he introduced me to this family. They were like some of the best people I know to this day. Um, and they used to let me come over. Um, you know,'cause they knew that, they knew my situation that, you know, I, my mom wasn't around a lot. And um,'cause this was before she got married. Um. And so they would let me come over there and stay on the weekends, you know? Um, and, you know, I would have like some healthy people to be around and stuff. And, and they had a really nice house and a really nice neighborhood. And, um, so I used to love going over there, man. They had younger sons man that were, they were older than me, but, you know, they, they took time to like, you know, spend time with me. They played basketball with me. We'd go to baseball games, you know, they did healthy things with me. And, um, so I started going to church with them, and it was a non-denominational church and, you know, it was a, it was just, you know, good, healthy Christian people, man. And, um, so yeah, he, he brought me to the Lord, man. I, uh, I, uh, I, you know, he asked me if, you know, I, he's like, you know, I wanna, I told him, I think he asked me. I don't know if I said that I wanted to be saved, but you know. We, we, we, uh, we prayed in his office. We got down on our knees, man. And, and I, and I accept, you know what I mean? Like, I, I told Jesus that I loved him and that I wanted him to be the Lord of my life. And, you know what I mean? Like, so I did, I went through the motions, right? And I did mean it. It's not that I didn't mean it, it's just that I didn't, so like I've learned today, man, that I'm not sure that's even in the Bible, that we have to ask Jesus into our art man. I, I think it says repent and belief. You know what I'm saying? And I didn't do that. I mean, I believed, but I didn't repent. You know what I mean? Okay. I was young, dude. I was still, because when I left there and I went back home, I had no positiveness in my life, man. I was doing what I wanted to do, you know?

Omar: 14:27

Gotcha. Okay. So, you know, you're 12, um, like you said, things are still kind of rough at home. So how do your teenage years look? Anythings significant that happens during those years?

Bret: 14:39

So, man, so before I became a teenager, man, uh, do you remember those, uh, those drug commercials back in the day? Uh, just say no. And this is your brain on drugs

Omar: 14:48

with the fried egg. What I remember is the fried egg,

Bret: 14:51

so that, that, that commercial specifically with the frying egg. I, uh, I was, I was walking through my living room one day and that commercial was on the tv, and I was like, I said, man, you know, however, however old I was when those commercials were out, I was born in 76. I was young. Yeah. And I know what drugs were, there were no drugs out there, man, except for like, people were smoking weed and stuff, but there were no, no heroin or crack cocaine or nothing like that, man. And, um, but I, I heard that commercial man, and I, and I was, as I was walking by the tv, bro, I can't tell you what happened, but something happened and I don't know if it was like a, a spirit or something, an evil spirit or something. I knew at that moment that I was gonna be a dope fiend. I knew I was gonna be a heroin addict.

Omar: 15:38

How old do you think you were around this time?

Bret: 15:40

Ah, man. You know, I was probably like 10.

Omar: 15:43

Hmm.

Bret: 15:44

Yeah.

Omar: 15:44

Gotcha. Yo,

Bret: 15:45

I can't explain it to you, but I remember it and I remember something, man. Like I knew that my life was gonna be very hard going forward.

Omar: 15:56

Wow. You, you know what's crazy that, that, that commercial ended up being counterproductive in a sense, man. Yeah. And maybe even though they've banted for good, the enemy, uh, twisted that man, like you said, it could have been spiritual and in a sense, you know?

Bret: 16:09

Yeah, because,

Omar: 16:10

cause now, um, now, now that I've realized, you know, that as I've talked to people, uh, I, I've interviewed, um, the head of the DEA and he was talking about how, um, how these drug lords, uh, they, they, uh, basically pray over their drugs, man. They have like witch doctors and all this to pray over the drugs to protect their shipments. And he was, uh, sharing a story where, where they went, went into a house, they raided the house and there was like a big old statue or whatever saying it was that they were praying to. And he went to go move it. And one of the other agents told, Hey, hey man, don't touch that. Don't touch that. And he's like, why not? He's like, oh man, you know, that's a, that's an idol. You know, that's one of their idols. You shouldn't touch it, man. It got power. He is like, man, my God is more powerful than him.'cause he was a believer. He just threw that out the way. But, you know, no, just you sharing that, that something happened. I believe him, man.'cause there, there's a, I believe there's a spiritual significance even though drugs are like a, um, there've been a natural sense, I guess, right? Physical. Yeah. But I believe there's a, there's definitely a spiritual component to, uh, drugs.

Bret: 17:10

Oh, absolutely. I, and I, I know that to be true now. Um, after what I've been through, um, it's absolutely a spiritual melody, you know what I'm saying? Like, um. Uh, I, I know that for a fact, man. Um, that's the only reason I got, the only reason I'm sober today, that I'm clean today, man, is because of Christ and because he lifted the obsession, the spiritual obsession that I had to use drugs and alcohol, man, you know? Um, so yeah, I, I'm gonna, I'm gonna a hundred percent agreement with you on that, man.

Omar: 17:42

Amen. Alright, so you watch a commercial 10 years old now, teenage years. Well, what, what ends up? Uh,

Bret: 17:47

yeah, so, well, you know, I didn't share, man, that, you know, even before that, dude, I was introduced to pornography, man. Like, that was the one thing in that neighborhood, man. Everybody was having sex with everybody, you know, uh, youngsters and stuff like that was, that was like our drug man. That was what, you know what I'm saying? So, like pornography, I was introduced to at a very young age, man, and started having sex at a very young age. And that was my very first addiction. Was, uh, was sex pornography. Um, uh. And I'm talking about youngster bro. Like, you know, I'd be sitting there waiting on the school bus, dude. I mean, it was so bad, dude. And I've never really shared, this is the first time I've shared this in public. But you know, it, you know, it is what it is. It's my story, man. You know, I would be like the bus, I could see the bus coming around the corner, and I would be in front of the TV while the bus is coming to my house masturbating, the pornography before school, you know what I'm saying? And the bus would be outside my house, honking its horn, but I gotta finish first. You know what I'm saying? I'm not going nowhere until I finish. And, um, that's what, that's how bad it was for me from a young age as far as pornography went and sex. And I started, um, you know, manipulating females into having sex with me and telling'em what they wanted to hear and, you know what I mean? They were just a means to an end. They were, they were an object. You know what I'm saying? And, uh, I learned that from the people in my neighborhood and from pornography. And so I've always had this really skewed. View of few of females and what sex really is. You know what I'm saying? Um, and I did that throughout high school, bro. I, I, me and my best friend said that, you know, we wanted, we kept a black book and we wanted to have sex with a hundred different females before we turned 18, and we did our best to try and meet that goal. You know what I mean? Like, that was, that was the like, and this is all spiritual because we know what God says about sex. You know what I mean? So like, I'm just destroying myself, you know what I mean, spiritually. And um, so that's what I did throughout high school until I, until I got, or until I got into high school. And once I started drinking and using drugs, it was a rat dude. Um, that became my guy. Um, I was, I was a perfect, I was, I, I like to call it, I was the perfect storm man, you know, because, and, and many people are, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not saying my story is any. Worse than anybody else's or any less than anybody else's. But I was one of those guys that was, I was the perfect storm. I had that in me, man, my, that addictive personality. Um, and you know, like I said, it started with the sex and the pornography and um, you know, my dad ended up drinking himself to death and his dad drank himself to death. And so I was next on the list, man. And um, you know, I was a good athlete when I was growing up. Okay. I was a good baseball player. I was a pretty good football player. Um, but, you know, and that, that's really what kept me out a lot of, a lot of trouble is I wanted to stay out of trouble group'cause I wanted to be able to play baseball and football and stuff, man. Um, but all that went to the wayside, bro. All that went down the drain, man. Once I get, once I started drinking and using drugs, I was a sophomore in high school when I started drinking. And, um, and that quickly led into smoking pot and, um. Taking acid and just on down the line, you know what I mean? The ecstasy and the cocaine to the heroin. And then two weeks into my senior year, I had quit school and I was a full blown, um, drug addict, you know what I'm saying? And, uh, um, so that led, um, you know, I'm sorry, go ahead.

Omar: 21:27

No, I was gonna ask you d during that time, how, how are you supporting your habit? You know, I know you're, you're working. What, what, what are you doing during this time?

Bret: 21:34

Yeah, so I started selling weed. Um, I, um, you know, I met, I met people. I, so I was a pretty, like, I was a pretty popular guy in high school, man. I had a lot of friends, okay. And I knew a lot of people and I didn't have any problem with me. I was really outgoing. I wasn't, you know, an introvert. I was, I knew a lot of people, man. I didn't have any problem finding what I wanted. And, um, I started selling weed man to, to, to support my habit and, you know, uh, basic. And that's really what it was. It, it was just supporting my party life. I wasn't making any money. I wasn't in it. You know, um, I was in it to party and, um, and that, so that's what I did, man. And that all changed though, man. Once I started, once I started uh, doing, uh, once the cocaine came around, man, um, I wasn't, I wasn't able to keep up with that. Like, I wasn't able to keep up. I wasn't able to make enough money to support my habit, you know? And so I, then I started kicking doors in, um, and, and really it was what, so my best friend, the one I was telling you about, he died when I was 18, um, in December of 1995, or I'm sorry, October of 95, he died. And then in December of 95, that's when I started shooting dope. Um, I, I was kinda lost without him, man, because, you know, he was the one dude that I had around me my whole life, man, growing up. Um, and so when he, when he died, man, like I was, I was, I was a wreck man. Like that was my dude, bro. I started shooting dope, man. Like, it, it, when I did heroin, bro, it, it numbed me. It took all the pain away, man.

Omar: 23:12

You know what, can I ask you? Uh, h how, how did he pass? I know he had, he was 18, so man, that was, that was really young to, you know, get taken away. Yeah.

Bret: 23:20

I was 18, he was 20 and he was working for, he, he was working for Stanley bro. And then he had the van backed up to the house and they were inside like cleaning the carpets and the, the carbon monoxide from the van killed him, bro. He ended up, um, yeah, he sat down in the chair, I guess when I was told from the guy that was working with him.'cause the guy that was working with him survived. And he said that he saw Chad sitting in chair and he thought he was just taking a rest. And, um, he goes upstairs to do his thing. He comes back down and Chad's dead man. So that there was a carbon monoxide from the van, I guess. Man,

Omar: 23:58

that, that, that's a, that's a tragedy, man. That's, that's a man. That's man, that's bad. Like to go out that way, you know?

Bret: 24:05

Bro. It was, it was tough, man. It was hard, man. And, um, so I started shooting dope after that, man. And, and when I did that, man, it, it made me forget all about Chad. It made me forget about all of my problems in my life, man. And, um, I was in, I was, once it got, its hooked in me, bro. It was, it was rap dude. It was over with. I, I, I couldn't, I couldn't stop, man. And I didn't stop. I didn't stop for the next 27 years, man. Um, uh, so yeah, I, I, so, so at that point, bro, I'm really, I'm really going off the, and I started kicking doors in, I had a buddy of mine that I had met, uh, from, you know, from the weed gay man that was from, uh, black Oak and Gary Man. And he was like the coldest car thief I ever met in my life, bro. He taught me how to steal cars, man. And, um, I started stealing cars to support my habit and, um, I. Like I, I, whatever I had to do, man. Except I never, I never sold my body for a second. I never did anything gay or anything like that. You know what I'm saying? And I say that because people do that, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's a real thing out there, man. You know? But I say I, I did. There wasn't nothing I wouldn't do except for anything like that, you know what I'm saying? But I was down to steal your car, kick your door in, you know, uh, pull, pull up on you. You know what I'm saying? I, I robbed a couple people. That really wasn't my thing, man. You know what I'm saying? Like, I, I was, I, I, I would kick your door in and take all your crap, you know what I'm saying? And or I'd steal your car. That was really my mo, you know what I mean? Um, so I ended up go getting locked up and going to prison man in, uh, 1997. And, um, I continued to do the same thing in prison, bro. Um, so what happened though, in prison man, was when I got there, man, you know, I had, you know, my dad's, my dad was Filipino, okay? He was born in the Philippines, all right? So he was dark, you know what I mean? And like, um. You know, a lot of people thought he was Mexican or Puerto Rican, you know what I'm saying? But he was, he was Filipino. Um, and you know, so like, I, I got that in me, right? So when I got,

Omar: 26:10

could I ask you and your mom is what?

Bret: 26:12

She's white.

Omar: 26:13

Okay. Gotcha. All right. Yeah,

Bret: 26:15

she's white. And, um, and I got the whitest, I got the whitest name in the world, man. My dad wanted me to have a white boy's name because he was like, man, he's like, I experienced so much ra, so much racism when I was growing up. He's like, I want, my mom told me that they wanted me to have the best opportunities that I could. So they gave me, you know what I'm saying? They named me Brett Lawrence, you know what I'm saying? Like, and, uh, and I, I was like, you know, I was like, I, I hated that when I was growing up.'cause I wanted to be my, my dad. I wanted to be like my grandma. I, I, I, uh, I vibed with that, you know what I'm saying? Like, I embraced that part of myself. Um, but I never got a chance to know any of them. You know what I mean? And so. When I went to prison, man, I seen all of these dudes in there, man. That, that I had met. Like I, I grew up in a white community, man. You know what I'm saying? Like, I, I wasn't exposed to, um, other races a whole lot until I went to prison.

Omar: 27:10

Okay?

Bret: 27:11

So I seen these guys in there, there's Mexican cats in there, man, who they were eating together and they were, they were hanging out together and they were socializing and, you know, they were in a gang. And, and like, like I craved that man. I wanted to be a part of that so bad, you know? And, um, so I started hanging out with them, you know what I'm saying? And like, you know, I, even though I didn't speak Spanish or nothing, man, you know what I'm saying? Like, I still wanted to be down, bro. And

Omar: 27:36

you know what, uh, uh, when you're in prison, this is in, in Indiana?

Bret: 27:40

Yeah. I,

Omar: 27:41

I is there any like, really, um, racial tensions? Because, because I know I talked to people from like, uh, um, from different states. So how was it as far as like, uh, uh, uh, I guess in prison, uh, racially speaking, how, how, how. How was that in there?

Bret: 27:58

So it's not like in Indiana, bro. It's not like you see in on the, like on the lockup shows out in California where it's like, you know, the whites are strictly with the whites and the blacks strictly with the blacks and then the Mexicans. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's not

Omar: 28:12

okay.

Bret: 28:13

Um, you know, there's a lot of mixing going on, you know what I'm saying? People hanging out neighborhoods, you know what I'm saying? It's more about where you're from and like what neighborhood you're from. Um, you know what I'm saying? Like a lot of cats from Indianapolis and Fort Wayne and South Bend and you know, they like, uh, you know, like they don't, they don't like click up. I mean, there's gangs in there, obviously don't, there's a lot of neighborhood clicking up, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, there's s in there, don't get me wrong, man, but you know, the s in Indiana, bro. I'm sorry, man. There, there, there's, there's some, there was some real s in there, but man, the, the s the way they rotated in there, that mean you had s washing dishes for some of the black guys, bro. It was, it was like, it was kind of a joke, man. You know what I'm saying? It was a running joke going on in there, but I was, I, I, I wasn't trying to kick it with them anyway, you know what I'm saying? Like, I, I was, I was trying to kick and kick it with these other folks, man. Yeah. Not folks, but like, I was trying to kick and, um, and so I did, man, like I, I, I linked up with these guys, man. And, um, and then, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, I got into a lot of trouble, you know. Um, and, um, I ended up going from a, from what they call a two I and a 2.0, uh, in custody to, uh, to a level three, because I, I couldn't stay outta trouble, you know? I was getting high. Um, you know, I, I was breaking into the, like, breaking into counselor's offices to steal my writeups and, you know what I mean, acting like a fool, you know what I'm saying? Wow.

Omar: 29:49

So you see you're committing more crime while, while incarcerated, huh?

Bret: 29:53

Couldn't stop.

Omar: 29:53

Yeah.

Bret: 29:54

Know. Acting a fool, man. And so when they bump my level up, man, I went to what they, I went to, uh, this place called Miami bro. And, um, it's Miami Correctional Facility. And, um, you know, there was level threes and fours there, man. So it was a step up, you know what I'm saying? Like, from where I was at, like, as far as like security wise goes and, um, you know, that's, that's where, you know, I, I linked up with, with the brothers that were at this penitentiary man. And, um, they were selling, they had all the heroin, you know what I'm saying? The brothers had all the heroin and you know, so I, I'm, I'm, now, I'm running, I'm running heroin from cell house to cell house. You know, and getting, getting my little cut for it and getting high in prison, you know, and, and I'm not doing anything to better myself, you know what I'm saying? Like, I, I wasn't thinking about bettering myself. I was thinking about, you know, um, feed My addiction

Omar: 30:50

and you, you know, but I I, I, I don't think I asked you, or what was your sentence? How many years did they give you?

Bret: 30:56

Oh, so yeah, I caught a, uh, I caught a burglary, man. It was a class B felony. They gave me 12 years and they suspended six of it, and they gave me a six three.

Omar: 31:05

Gotcha. Okay.

Bret: 31:06

Yeah, so, um, so I, I, I'm getting in all kinds of trouble, dude. I'm, I'm in, I don't know if I don't. You're from Illinois, right? Yes. And I know you've been to prison, right?

Omar: 31:17

Yes.

Bret: 31:18

That on one of your things.

Omar: 31:19

You know what, I actually went in in 97 too. So when you mentioned 97, I was in there from 97 to 2000.

Bret: 31:25

Okay, cool. Cool. Yeah. Um, so I, they, they suspended six and they gave me a six three. So I was supposed to get out in 2002. Also thousand also. And um, you know, um, but I, that didn't happen for me man.'cause I couldn't stay outta trouble. So I was in time class three, what they call time class three in Indiana, which means you're, you don't get any good time, you're doing day for day.'cause I outta trouble. So I ended up doing the whole six. I I, you know what I'm saying? Like, uh, I see my out dates rolling past, bro, and I was, I was sick to my stomach on those days. But like, I was, I was in there man. And like, I was, I had like, pretty much resigned myself to, you know, this was the life I chose and so this was the life I was gonna live, you know. And, um, so yeah, fast forward, dude. I ended up getting out in like the very end of 2002. Um, and um, I got, um, I got out and I went right back out to the streets, bro. Um, I went back out, man. And, um, I, I started kicking out, kicking up with, with some of the, some of the guys that I met in there. And, you know, we were partying and getting high and, but the only thing was, man, like, I couldn't control myself, man. You know what I'm saying? Like, these guys were able to, to like, you know, like they, they weren't like me, man. Like, once I started doing dope, that's the only thing that I can focus on, you know? Um, so when I got out, man, and I started kicking it and partying, man, I, I eventually stopped hanging out with those dudes and kind of went and was doing my own thing again, man. And I was out there just, um, you know, um, trying to stay high, bro. Um, you know, I was, dude, I was, I was, I was a heroin addict man. And, um, I ended up catching another auto theft and, or I kept, I caught a auto theft and, um, I, I went back into jail for another year to the county. I, I signed a plea bargain for a two to one in the county along with some probation. I got out, um. I got out, went to a halfway house, was trying to get my life together, trying to stay sober. I was going to meetings. Um, you know, I was, uh, you know, but I, I was going to these meetings, man, but I wasn't really there for the right reason. I was just going to check the boxes. I just wanted to get off probation if I could, but I wasn't even able to do that, man, because, you know, I ended up getting kicked out of this halfway house'cause I started getting high again. Um, now I'm back. Now, now I got a warrant for my arrest and, you know, so, um, I took off to Florida, bro, and, and was down there for a little while, man. And I, I, you know, I had these warrants for my arrest and things didn't work out for me down there. So I ended up coming back home. Um, you know, I'm shooting dope man, and, um, I end up, uh, catching a possession of stolen property. Um, and so here's the thing too, man. So like. When I'm getting locked up, like so I'll, I I guess I can, I can tell that a little bit later, man. Um, so I, I ended up coming back and I caught a possession of stolen property. I ended up going back to jail. Um, I, I forget what I forget. So it was a possession of stolen property. It was the auto theft. They gave me all my backup time on that. They ended up giving me nine years total, right? So, um, I went back to prison for another five years, man. I ended up doing five on that nine. When I got out, man, I went right back out to the dope, right back out to the streets. And, um, that's when things got really bad for me, man. Like, because the disease of addiction, bro, it's progressive, you know what I mean? It gets worse over time. And people try to tell me that, dude, but I will, I wouldn't listen man. You know? Um, so, you know, I'm, I'm. I got all kinds of stories, dude. But like, you know, it's just, it's just, you know what I mean? Like, it just takes over your head, dude. So I guess, you know, one of the worst times of my life, man, was, was right around like 2015, bro. I was like, you know, I was living down in Indianapolis, man with, with a ex-girlfriend of mine, and I was just, she was a, she was an optometrist, so she made, she made, you know, roughly a hundred, a hundred grand a year. Okay. And that was really the only reason I was with her, you know what I'm saying? Like, I, I was, uh, you know, she had a, she, she had a nice crib and, you know, she had money. And so, you know, I was basically using her for all of that, you know what I'm saying? And I got really bad down. I got really bad down here in Indianapolis on that, on that dope man. And, um, you know, I, I lost all of my, uh, I lost all of my. Any moral values that I had, bro, I had lost them all, you know what I'm saying? Like I was, I was, uh, you know, I was doing, you know, just, just really, um, scandalous, you know what I'm saying? Just really being really scandalous, man, and, and using and abusing anybody I could go through, man. And so I ended up, man coming back up north, bro. And, um, I was, I was, I was couch surfing, man, going from place to place, man. And, uh, I had, oh, so I went to Lafayette first, that's where it was. I went to Lafayette, man on my way back up north and I caught a case in Lafayette, a possession case. They let me outta jail man. And I, I didn't go back to go to court, alright? So I had a warrant outta Lafayette man. And so when I got really bad up there, when I came back home, man, I, I was strung out man. Couch surfing. Didn't have nowhere to go. And so, um, you know, I manipulated somebody that I knew man into giving me, uh, enough money to go to detox. I told'em I wanted to get my life straightened out, that I wanted to go to detox and get, get my life together, which was a complete lie, you know what I'm saying? So I took that money that they gave me, man, and I told my guy that I was with, I said, Hey man, if you give me a ride to Chicago so I can get this dope man, um, and then you gimme a ride to, to Lafayette, you know what I'm saying? So I can turn myself in on this warrant, you know what I'm saying? I told him, I said, I'll get you high. You know what I'm saying? We'll get high from Chicago to Lafayette bro, and I'll give you some dope to go home with, man. So I went up there, I bought a quarter ounce of heroin, bro. And um, and um, you know, we got high all the way back down to Lafayette and we stopped at, um, you know, we stopped at CVS. I told him to stop at C vs. Man, I need to run inside and get some balloons. So Vaseline, you know what I'm saying? Because I had a quarter ounce man, I was gonna turn myself in because I didn't have nowhere to go, but I wasn't going in without anything, you know what I'm saying? Like, I was gonna take this dope in with me and everything was gonna be cool. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'll just go in there and get high and do this little time and, you know, and, and we'll, we'll go from there, you know, so that, you know, I, I, I did that man. You know what I'm saying? I, I, I, you know, you know, quarter ounce bro, and, and went up into jail, dude. And, and it was like the worst, like, you know what I'm saying? What was supposed to be like, what was supposed to be, um, you know, a nice, just go in there and do this time and get high was like the, one of the worst times bro ever, man. Because, you know, like I did. So, I did all, I did that whole quarter ounce bro in about four or five days. I can't remember. It was just a matter of days and it was gone, bro. And I, I was having seizures in there, man, because I, I think because I was doing, you know, I was doing so much dope, whatever they were cutting it with, you know what I'm saying? Like, I started having seizures in the cell man, and I had taken some suboxone in with me, man. And I was so high and so delusional, I couldn't remember when I had finished the dope and I took the Suboxone too early and it put me into precipitated withdrawals, you know what I'm saying? So like, I'm laying in my rack, bro, and I'm throwing up and I'm leaking out my rear end at the same time, bro. And I'm having seizures and it's not like I can hit the button and call the nurse, you know what I'm saying? What am I gonna tell him? You know what I'm saying? That, you know, uh, you know, I, I, I didn't wanna tell him why I was sick, you know what I'm saying? Um, I still had all this suboxone on me and stuff, man. So I just had to go through it, man. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah. Um. And then, you know, I, when I was at Westville, bro, you know, I had, um, you know, I had manipulated one of the females that I grew up with, um, into bringing me, um, some cocaine and some heroin in on the visits, you know what I'm saying? And you know what? I'm, so, I'm, I'm going these, I'm going to these lengths, bro. To get, to get these drugs in jail is, is my point. You know, it's not to glorify what I was doing. That was how bad I had gotten, you know what I'm saying? Like, if I was going into jail, I, I had to make sure that I had these drugs, man. You know what I'm saying? And like, I'm making wine in prison, you know what I'm saying? And, and, and you know, I'm the wine man, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm making wine every week, man. And, and you know, like, so prison was, um, you know, it was like a big party for me, man. You know what I'm saying? Like, it was, that was the way that I, I was, I was completely obsessed and consumed with, um, running and escaping reality, man. Yeah.

Omar: 40:55

So, so, uh, so you're in prison. When, when does the change you eventually start to take place or what? What happens right before, you know, you, you experienced like, change in your life.

Bret: 41:07

So, um, I got outta prison in oh nine, man, and I haven't been back to prison since.

Omar: 41:12

Mm-hmm.

Bret: 41:13

I, I was, um, I've been in and outta county jails since then, of course. But like, what happened was, man, I, I, you know, back in 2022, um, you know, by that point I had, it had been 27 years, man, of, um, you know, of course not every day, you know what I'm saying? But yeah, I, but for 27 years, there wasn't a day that went by. I, I, I can almost guarantee there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about getting high on heroin or smoking crack, you know what I'm saying? Like, I was, I was locked up in my head, you know what I'm saying? So 27 years later, bro, I'm broken. I'm completely defeated, desperate for a new way of life, man. Um. I overdosed in 2018, man. Um, and it was, and dude, I used to, I've overdosed so many times. Matter of fact, I used to have a, when people used to get into my car, um, because I used to live in my car, bro. And we used to just, if we weren't in Gary, we were in Chicago and we were living on the south side in my car and, you know, I mean, we were getting high. You know what I'm saying? Um, you hustling all day to get money, man, just to stay high. And I used to tell people they got in my car. I used to say, look here man, you overdosing my car. This is ready. This is what's getting ready to happen, man. I'm gonna call 9 1 1 and then I'm gonna pull you out. I'm gonna give him our location and then I'm gonna pull you outta the car and I'm gonna leave you here and I'm gonna drive across the street and I'm gonna make sure the ambulance shows up. And you know what I'm saying? That's how it's gonna go down. He's like, I know, I used to tell him I'm not gonna let you die, man, but that's what's gonna happen. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna leave you where we're at, and I'm, I'm going across the street and I'll wait till the ambulance gets here. And nobody ever died on my watch because of that. And that's, that's good for me, man, because like, I know people that would just leave you, man. You know what I'm saying? They wouldn't even call 9 1 1. Right. They'll just leave you for dead, bro. You know what I'm saying? But I didn't, I wouldn't, I couldn't do that to people, man. You know? I wouldn't want nobody doing that to me, man. Yeah. You know, I, um, I, um, what was I say, man, I, yeah. So I, in 2018, bro, you know, I, I'm, I'm, I'm bad down here in Indianapolis, man. I'm getting high, bro. And, um, uh. Actually, I got clean for 13 months. I went to a halfway house. I was trying to get my, I was trying to get my life together, man. And uh, I went to a halfway house, bro, and I was able to stay sober for 13 months, man. And you know, I've, when I was growing up in high school, you know, I always was always in the weight room, you know what I'm saying?'cause I played football and stuff. And so I've always liked to work out, right? And I always avoided steroids. But at 40 years old, man, I decided I wanted to start using steroids.'cause I, I ran into one of my dudes, man, and he walked in and he was just, boom, just s swed up. I was like, dang, bro, how'd you get, how'd you get like that man? He's like, man, I got that juice, bro. I was like, man, I need some of that, man. So I started banging these steroids, right? And I blow up, bro. You know what I'm saying? I'm like two 40 solid man. And you know what I'm saying? But, but when I did that, man, I had been clean for 13 months where I, when I stuck that needle in my arm, even though I wasn't mainlining it, I was putting something foreign into my body that God didn't want in my body. And I, I lost any, any kind of, and that's the other thing, bro, was like, I wasn't, I was sober, but I was not living an honest lifestyle. I had fallen back into to the females, you know what I'm saying? I wasn't getting high, but I was running through females, you know what I'm saying? Like dime bags, bro, that I was addicted to. I was addicted to sex, bro. So like, I was still living a dishonest lifestyle, you know what I'm saying? While I was clean that whole time. So I was really wasn't doing much, man. I was just a dry drunk. Mm-hmm. But once I put that needle in my arm, bro, it was a rat dude. Like, I feel like God was like, you know what? I gotta let you go and let you do your thing, man. And I went on a six week vendor, bro. And I, and I, I was a, I was a concrete mason union, concrete Mason. I was an apprentice. So I was making really good money down here in Indianapolis. And I, I spent all that money in six weeks that I had saved up, man. And, um, I was shooting dope and smoking crack and doing meth and drinking. And I had Hep C man, I had Hep C for years and years and years from shooting dope. And, um, I had never done anything about it. So my liver, man, my liver was in bad shape. And I went on that six week bender and my liver shut down on me. And when that happened, my heart stopped and I went into cardiac arrest. And, um, my buddy, I was at my buddy's house, man, he didn't know what to do, man. He, he just, he, he started to do CPR on me, but he didn't know he needed to turn me over on my side.'cause I was, I was aspirated, you know what I'm saying? And while he was doing CPR and blowing into my mouth, he was pushing that vomit back down into, and, um, and I went without oxygen. Nobody knows how long I went without, but it was long enough to where I, I use a walker now. Um, I have to use a walker. I can use a cane on good days. Um, but I don't walk normal, man. Like I was in a bed for six months, bro. Um, I, for six months I had to have these beautiful nurses wipe my butt for me. You wanna talk about humbling, you know what I'm saying? That's a humbling experience, bro. When you can't wipe your own butt and you gotta have people do it for you. And, you know, I couldn't feed myself'cause it had uncontrollable movements, so they had to feed me. And, um, I was in a bed for six months, bro. And don't you know, as soon as that six months, as soon as I was able to walk after six months, bro, as soon as I was able to walk and get around on my own, I went right back to the Dope House man. I showed up at the dope house with my walker and started getting high again, bro. And I went back on another four and a half year binge, bro. And, and that was in 2018. And in 2022, in June of 2022, I was at my end, bro. I was, I was living back at my mom's house. Um. I mean, dude, it was so bad, bro. I'd be out, I'd be in the, I would be sitting out in front of the trap house, bro. I, I would be smoking crack and I would be shaking so bad that I couldn't even get out of the car and walk in by myself with my walker. They literally had to carry me in the crack house. Four guys. They would get under each arm and under each leg, and they would carry me into the crack house. They would put the crack pipe in my mouth, load the crack pipe for me, and I, and they would light it for me while I smoked it, bro. You know what I'm saying? Because I couldn't do it on my own, man. You know? I mean, that's, that's what it was like for me, bro, that I was, I was bad dude. I was so 20, 22, dude. I was, I was laying on the floor in my mom's bedroom, dope sick in the fetal position, and I just cried out to God. I said, God, please take this from me. Please help me. Please God, please help me. And. You know, he didn't do nothing right then, bro. But two weeks later I ended up getting locked up, man. And um, I've been clean ever since, bro. I didn't know Jesus was gonna be waiting for me in Johnson County jail, man. He, uh, he was in there waiting for me, dog. And, um, and I don't know, I can tell you, I can tell you exactly where I was standing, what cell block I was in. I know. You know what I mean? I'll never forget it, bro. And I just knew that I was done. I knew I was done getting high, bro, and I know it was Jesus, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like, because I was like, I was praying the whole time I was in there. I was reading the Bible, bro. You know what I'm saying? I was reading any kind of AA literature. I could get my hands on anything to learn about what I had and how I could not live that way no more. You know what I'm saying? And, uh, yeah, dude, I cried out to him, bro, when he heard me, man. And, um,

Omar: 49:03

what, what, what, what did you experience? What, what did you feel that you knew? Like, man, Jesus just did something in my life. I,

Bret: 49:11

I, you know, I can't, I can't explain it. It wasn't like a, a burning bush. It was just something clicked in my head, dude, where I, I just knew right there then at that moment that I was gonna do anything and everything I could not to go back to that life. I started, I started reading the Bible. I was reading the Bible, but I started reading the Bible every night intentionally. I started praying intentionally. I started holding, listen, I started holding AA meetings, this cell block with members of the same gang that I was running with in this cell block. And I'm sitting in an AA meeting talking about my feelings, bro. You know what I'm saying? In front of like with other guys, bro. You know what I'm saying? That, you know what I'm saying? And these guys that were in this gang, they're over here snickering and laughing like, what's this brother doing? Man, this brother's crazy. You know what I'm saying? But I knew that if I didn't start right, then I. Then I was gonna get back out and do the same thing over if I didn't change. I, I knew I was changed, but I had to put the work in though, you know what I'm saying? Right. So, and

Omar: 50:15

you, you, you know, and ask you, I know you started this, like this group, uh, did you have somebody that you seen, uh, I guess, uh, somebody else that modeled this during this time? Or did you just feel, man, I I, I, I'm the one that has to start this,

Bret: 50:30

so, so I've been going, you know, because, because of all the trouble I've been in, because it's been all addiction based, I've been forced to go to meetings my whole life. I knew about AA and na. Right. I knew what I needed to do. You know what I'm saying? Uh, I had just never done it.

Omar: 50:49

Gotcha.

Bret: 50:50

You know what I'm saying? I hadn't been broken yet. I was broken now, bro.

Omar: 50:53

Mm.

Bret: 50:55

And you know, they talk about, in those programs, they talk about getting a higher power. Well, I know who my God is, you know what I'm saying? I know who the one true God is. But how,

Omar: 51:05

how, how did you know that it was Jesus? Because I know you said like growing up you believed in the God, but maybe not necessarily Jesus. Or, or, or going back. And I just remembered going back. Was it because of what happened to you at, uh, 12 years old when you, uh, got saved, I guess, or,

Bret: 51:21

yeah, bro, when I, you know, I had been to church, like I said, with that, with that family.

Omar: 51:26

Okay.

Bret: 51:26

Um, bro, listen, I didn't share this either when I was in high school, man, and when I was starting off in my addiction, um, when I was still in high school before things got really bad, I thought I was going crazy, man, because I would ha, I would hear, I would, I know it was, I know it was God, dude, because I would have voice in my head telling me not to do these things that I was doing and like, not verbally, but like,

Omar: 51:55

yeah,

Bret: 51:56

I could feel this, pull on me. Like trying to pull me away from the things that I was doing. And I completely, I, I thought I was going crazy because at the time I was so young, I didn't realize that it was, it was God. I believe it was God to this day. Now, I, I believe it was God because they were, they were just like, I, I can't even explain it, bro, but like, I was being convicted man on my behavior because I had already, I had already got down on my knees at that point and asked God, you know what I'm saying? To be the Lord and Savior of my life. I had just never fully repented, but I believe God was a part of my life, man, because I felt this pull pulling me away from what I was doing, but I didn't listen to it and I kept, I ignored it and I did what I wanted and my life took the, it went down the road that it went down. Had I listened to that voice or that pull, I, I don't know where I'd be at today. Probably, you know, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you because I, I probably wouldn't have went down the road that I went down.

Omar: 52:53

Yeah. Gotcha. So, so, so now you're back, you're back in prison, you're starting these AA meetings yourself. What, what, what, what, what begins to happen in there?

Bret: 53:03

So, yeah. No, I was in, I was in, I was in the county jail man down in, uh, Johnson County, just south of Indianapolis here. And, um, I, I just, I started holding these AA meetings, bro. I, um, started going to church every Sunday in jail. Um, and I only had to do 90 days because I got popped on a possession down there. So I had to do 90 days, man. But that 90 days was the start of my new life, man, because I haven't gotten high since then. Praise. Yeah. I praise God, man. Um, I got outta jail dude, and I went into a halfway house and I immersed myself in the church and in AA meetings. Um. I started reading the Bible every morning to get my day started, actually, I started listening to the Bible on new version, and I was, I was a baby, baby Christian, you know what I'm saying? Like, I was just trying to do something different, you know what I mean? So I would listen to the word every morning to get my day started and I would pray, and that eventually transitioned to me, um, reading the word, you know what I'm saying? And like, um, you know, like I, I've grown so much. How much time we got left, bro?

Omar: 54:07

Oh, no. We we're at, uh, 52 minutes. So it's up to you. Like we, we, you know, but like I said, we could do another 10, 20 minutes or something, you know.

Bret: 54:14

Oh, we ain't gotta go that long, bro.

Omar: 54:15

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, when you know, I'll follow your lead, man.

Bret: 54:18

Go ahead. Um, so what happened, man, you know, ever since then, bro, this is, you know what I'm saying? What God. You know, since I've surrendered to God and I live my life for Jesus Christ today, man, um, you know, I, I, I, like I said, I started going to church and going to meetings, man. And that has progressed. You know what I'm saying? To like, I still do those things, but like, my relationship with God has grown, man. Like, um, you know, I, I got a, I, I got a job. I ended up getting a job in recovery, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a recovery coach today, man. Mm-hmm. I, I, I've been a recovery coach now for 18 months. I get a chance to sit down with people and I get a chance to hear their story, and then I get a chance to testify. Um, you know, about, about what Jesus has done in my life. You know what I'm saying? Um, and how he's always been there. Dude, I've overdosed so many times, bro. I used, I used to get calls from Bill collectors, man, and I, after a while, I just started saying, you know what? Get in line click. And because I, I, I, I had so many ambulance bills and so many lawyers and all these creditors calling me because of all the money I owed from overdoses and stuff. So like, I get a chance to testify, bro, about what Jesus has done in my life, man. How he's kept me alive, how he's always been there for me, man. You know what I'm saying? And like. Um, so I get to do that today, bro. Mm-hmm. I, I just got married two weeks ago, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like, I, here's a guy, man that was in and out of prison, bro, you know, heroin addicts, shooting dope, man. Never thought I ain't got no kids, you know what I'm saying? Like, never thought I was gonna be able to get married. Like Jesus has led me, you know, I met my wife in recovery coach classes, and we have grown together. You know, like I, I, I had a chance to talk to her about Jesus. She didn't believe in God when I met her, you know what I'm saying? Like, and I, I basically gave her, you know, it was like back when I was using drugs, man, I used to tell my girls, look, if you got a problem with me doing heroin, then you gotta go. You know what I'm saying? Like, heroin came first. I told my girl, I said, look man, Jesus is the way, man. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you can't get, if you can't, if you can't get up, you know, if you can't do this with me, with God. I, you know, I gotta move on. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, now I, I ain't telling people I gotta move on now'cause of drugs. I'm telling people, you know what I'm saying? Like, Hey, Jesus is the way. Like, I won't, I won't tell'em, you know what I'm saying? Hey, I gotta move on from you if you don't believe, but that's you, you get my point, man. You know what I'm saying?

Omar: 56:38

Especially like in marriage, we're in a relationship, man. You know, you wanna be, uh, uh, you don't wanna be unequally yolked, right,

Bret: 56:44

right. Yeah, bro. Exactly, dog. And, and, and that's how I knew man, that, you know, she was the one man, because I, I told her, I said, man, you know, you know if you can't,'cause I read a meme one time, bro. It said, it said, chase, get chase God as fast as you can, and whoever keeps up with you, that's, that's your woman.

Omar: 57:04

I like that one. That was good.

Bret: 57:05

Yeah. And, uh, so she did that, bro. I, I, and I've watched her relationship with Jesus just prosper, you know what I'm saying? Just develop over the last 18 months, man. And so we got married two weeks ago, bro. We just,

Omar: 57:18

oh, congratulations man.

Bret: 57:19

Thank you, man. I appreciate that, bro. We just got keys to a new house, bro. Um, you know what I'm saying? Like, God is just, he's just working in our lives, bro, and we just trying to stay faithful to him today, bro. Like, you know, like I moved down here like three months ago because I got a job. Her and I worked together, bro. We have the same, you know what I'm saying? Like, we live together, we work together, and we get along really well, man. And we're in recovery together. We follow Jesus together. And like, I moved down here three months ago and we were living in the same house, you know, but we were obedient to God. I slept on the couch, you know what I'm saying? She slept in the, you know what I'm saying? Like we are doing our best to follow Jesus and live how Jesus wants us to live. You know what I'm saying? Because I know I'm nothing without him and that I can't do anything without him. You know what I'm saying? I know without Jesus, bro, my default is to go back out to, to them streets and get high. That's, that's my default, bro. So. You know, Jesus is like, I've all, like I said, bro, I've always known that there was a God dude, and you know, I had to go through what I had to go through. But you know what, I would do it again if that was the only way I could get to.

Omar: 58:30

Mm-hmm. Gotcha. Yeah. As long, as long as it led to him. Right?

Bret: 58:34

Yeah, bro. So, you know, like, y you know, my story, bro, is, is a little different than all the others, bro. But, you know, the bottom line is it doesn't matter how we get man, as long as we get, I'm saying like, he, he old bro. You know what I'm saying? Like my, you know, having that relationship with him, man, and like, you know, I wanna get into like apologetics, bro. You know what I'm saying? Because like, I want, I wanna defend the faith, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like, I wanna, I wanna stand up like, you know, it's pride month right now, bro. And I, you know, like I, dude, I, I'm, I'm, I need to pray about it, bro, but I get so worked up about this man because like, I. I can't stand it, bro. If they push this agenda, bro, and they push it on our kids, man, they, they're, they're, you know what I'm saying? Like, push this thing, bro. And I just, you know, I, I fight against it, bro. And I, I don't know if I'm doing that right or not, man, but that's kind of where I'm at with it right now. I'm, I just can't stand all of the rhetoric and propaganda that they put out there, man. And I just feel like the Lord is, is calling me to stand up and stand firm in the faith and, you know, talk to people about what God expects out of us. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, so I, I don't know. I mean, I'm caught up in that right now, man.

Omar: 59:52

Amen.

Bret: 59:53

But, uh,

Omar: 59:53

no, no. I know you mentioned Apologetics. Are you thinking about maybe enrolling like in, uh, let's say like a Bible school, some theology? Like what, what, what, what are you looking into?

Bret: 1:00:04

Well, so, you know, I got a dude, man, one of my guys, bro, he's, he's really, he's heavy into it, right? And I just really been talking to him, man. I'm just kind of picking his brain right now, man. Kind of learning about it and stuff, man. But it, from what I know so far, man, it's kind of something that I'm interested in. You know what I mean? Um, and it is like, I, I don't know what God's got in score for me or me and my wife, bro. You know, I, we're really involved in the recovery, but I just, you know, I wanna have, you know, I, I don't even know for sure what our ministry is yet. You know, we just got married two weeks ago. I know. Do with, I, I don't know for sure yet. You know what I'm saying? But I just wanna be led by him and whatever he wants me to do, I really, bro, I've been praying about losing all my dreams and aspirations and just whatever he wants me to do, you know what I'm saying? That's really what I want to do, bro, because whenever I start making decisions and calling the shots, that's when my life starts to, you know, kind of veer off and go the wrong direction,

Omar: 1:01:06

man, you know, man, he continue to lead you and guide you brother, man. Sounds like you're on the right, right path. Marriage, uh, you know, working together and sounds like you're doing a, a ministry together already, and you know, I'm sure there's more to come though.

Bret: 1:01:19

Yeah, yeah. No doubt, man. But, um, yeah, bro, I appreciate you having me on, man. And I, I hope, I hope this helps somebody, man. I hope somebody can relate to this man. Um, and, and, um, yeah, bro, I think that's about all I got there, man,

Omar: 1:01:33

actually. All right. No, no, sounds good, man. Hey, man, I appreciate you taking time to share your story with us. You know, usually I, uh, I allow you, you know, uh, any final words and then if you could close us out in a, in a prayer.

Bret: 1:01:43

Yeah. So I guess, I guess my final words would be like, you know, um, so all those years I was, I was out there, man, strung out and running the streets, man, you know, I always knew God was real and I always, I, I was never, I, I don't want, there were times I would say I was hopeless, but I always knew God was real man, and I never gave up hope on. I never, never not believed in God, man. So I would just, I would just, final words would be, would be to anybody that may be going through the things that I went through. Man. It's just never, never give up hope on God, man, because he, he's not giving up on you, man. You know what I'm saying? And, um, yeah, I could take us out with a quick prayer man, and I just, father God, I just wanna thank you for Omar Lord. And I just thank you for this opportunity, Lord, um, to get on on here and share my, my experience, Lord. Um, and I just pray, father, that you know that somebody would be able to hear it and, and, and I hope it can help him, Lord. You know, um, I, I pray Father, that you would bless Omar's, uh, Omar's ministry and bless his family, Lord. Um, and I just pray that you would do the same for, for me and my new family, Lord. And, um, father God, we just thank you for your grace, your unconditional love and mercy Lord. Um, you have been so, you have been so kind and good to us, God. And. I just thank you right now, Lord, for, for who you are and, uh, for your son, Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Our Lord and Savior, Lord. And, um, just ask that you bless Omar as he goes forward, God and Jesus mighty name I pray. Amen.

Omar: 1:03:19

Hey, amen. Amen. Amen. Thanks brother. Thank you for your time. Thank you for sharing your story. And amen. I just pray for you. I pray for your marriage. May, may God continue to, to, to bless it, you know, bless your marriage, your union, and may he use not only you, but, but, but both of you, I know you mentioned, you know, like what, what is your family? I mean, what is your, uh, ministry, you know, as a family, you know, may, may he make that clear, clear to you and man may he keep you, you know, I like to tell people, uh, uh, keep up the God work, you know, instead of ke keep up the good work. Keep up the God work, you know. But, uh, uh, thank you for your time, brother. And with that, we're gonna get ready to, to close out. Uh, Matthew 4:16 reads, the people who sat in darkness have seen a great light, and upon those who sat in the region and shadow of death light has dawned alongside my guest, Brett Lawrence, Omar Calvillo, and we are wrong. Too strong.